Feminism and Attraction

I’ve had a few interesting conversations with my wonderful friend K about the ways in which feminism has changed the bodies and people we are attracted to. Specifically, we’ve been talking about how identifying and eschewing the narrow ideals of beauty we’re sold has opened up a whole new world of physical attraction to us both.

For example, as I’ve continued to question the pervasive notion that thinner is necessarily prettier, I’ve discovered that I love soft, curvy female bodies. Not to the exclusion of thinner female bodies but in addition to. A voluptuous thigh or a soft belly, rather than being reviled as a sign of weakness or moral inferiority is a sexy invitation to dream of kissing, touching, caressing. (And this, in turn, has helped me to realize that I too can be sexy. If the bodies that look just like me are sexy that means I am too!)

An androgynous woman, or perhaps a boi, rather than inviting shame and fear at what it meant about my sexuality, as I’ve come to understand and embrace that I’m attracted to people all across the spectrum of gender expression, is as fun and sexy as the cute hipster dudes that frequent my work.

What’s so funny about feminism is that it’s made a whole new range of bodies attractive to me, but much fewer people. While I may be attracted to short and stocky or tall and lanky, super femme or super butch, male, female or anything between or outside, the personalities I’m attracted to become fewer and fewer. Because the simple fact is, if you’re not a feminist, I don’t want to fuck you. If you’re not anti-oppressive, I don’t want you in my life, as a friend, as a lover or as a partner. And though that certainly narrows the pool, it does it in the must delicious way. Because there is absolutely nothing hotter to me than a socially progressive person. Start talking social justice and I’ll melt. And in the meantime, I’ll happily enjoy watching the beautiful variety of bodies on our wonderful world.